2012 NBA Free Agency III: Krazy For Kris


I am Matt Aquiline, and I have a problem.

Unrequited Love 04, by Drasonae. (CC-ANN 3.0) http://bit.ly/NaaEOt

I am irrationally attached to Kris Humphries.

I think he’s an All Star.

I really wanted my team (the 76ers) to sign him last year, because he had posted such great rebounding numbers the year before.

I really wanted my team to sign him this year, because he had posted such great rebounding numbers this past year. Again.

Alas, we re-signed Spencer Hawes instead. Again.

Kris Humphries rebounds the ball, every way you slice it:

  1. 15 rebounds per 48 minutes
  2. Fifth in the league in rebounds per game
  3. Sixth in rebounding percentage

So it doesn’t matter how you count–per minute, volume, or availability basis–Humphries hunts down those boards. And this is two years in a row.

But my unrequited love for Kris Humphries goes beyond watching him, through the glass, clearing the glass.

As you might recall, I felt my team was having trouble getting coverage this year:

So I don’t see why bringing in a reality TV star wouldn’t help. Every fan knows him! Sure, they mostly boo:

But that’s better than tepidity.

Are there other rebounders available? Yes, plenty. But were they married to Kim Kardashian? How many considered subpoenaing Kanye West? And how many are only 27 and have two straight years of top-flight production?

I can’t explain it, but I’m Krazy For Kris.

Matt Rogers - Bio coming soon.

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