CM’s Quick Hits: Monday, July 13

  1. Slow sports week, as you can tell buy the media coverage around the dunk that could have been. Lebron getting dunked on is the biggest non-story since Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married. Speidi > Dunkgate.
  2. Home Tun Derby tonight, I am taking Pujols. Just like the U.S. Open in golf, I bet on the best story going in to events like this. Pujols at home on a triple crown season is that story.
  3. Brock Lesnar is a BEAST and is a perfect champion. America can not wait for this man to lose, he has brought a WWE character with him to the octagon and it is going to make him a rich man.
  4. All-Star game tomorrow; I can not believe this still means home field advantage. Leaving it to the reserves in the late innings to win is ridiculous. I want Jeter up in the 9th.
  5. There will be no tie with this all-star game because Tim Wakefield can throw 300 pitches and not be tired. In fact, lets spice up the derby with some Wakefield knuckleball action.
  6. The Tour de Lance has started, I mean Tour de France. If Lance doesn’t win Eis seriously wasting air time talking about it. Lance is America. USA, USA, USA!
  7. Arturo Gatti could kill a man with his own hands, but yet he was killed by the hands of a woman.
  8. Breaking News! Favre bought purple socks. Is this a sign he is going to sign with the Vikings this week? Stay tuned for more. I am going to call Mort at ESPN to break the story.
  9. Manny Acta got fired. Oh, you do not know who he is? He is a major league manager. No really MLB manager. Seriously, I promise. He managed the Nationals. You know the nationals they used to be the Expos. Yeah the expos moved to Washington. Well Manny Acta got fired, so know you know, and knowing is half the battle.
  10. Obama throws out the first pitch tomorrow night. Expect a big-time heater that makes The Freak look like he’s throwing change-ups all night.

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