Andy Reid’s had a big 2010. But that doesn’t mean 2011 can’t be even better. Here’s what Andy Reid’s New Year’s Resolutions probably look like–from the big guy’s point of view.
1. Get to the Super Bowl and Win it!
2. Re-sign Michael Vick. (Wait, you counted that as a “rushing” play when he ran away from those pass rushers?! This is great!)
3. Lose weight, retroactive to age 13.
4. Use David Akers in an offensive play. (Let’s see, I already throw passes to the linemen; the other team throws the ball to our defenders, our quarterback and receivers do all of our running… linebackers have been done before… hmm… special teams!)
5. Check The Sports Geeks daily, they give me a good breakdown of where my team stands.
6. Fire the booth guys. These yahoos in the media are on my case about the challenges again, like I have “Eagle” eyes. Why wouldn’t I assume DeSean fumbled, have you seen the way he carries the ball? And he was 50 yards away from me! These people up in the booth tell me whether or not to challenge after seeing a replay, and they are making me look like a clown. They’re fired!
7. Stay on Roger Goodell’s good side. He seems to be large and in charge these days. Not as large as me, but much more in charge. He can change the day games are, retroactively change rules and then fine people based on that, [and in a single season steal all of the good David-Stern-Rigs-The-NBA jokes]. Wait, I better stop writing this down.
I think 7 resolutions is a good place to stop, and what better thought to end upon than that of our leader, Mr. Goodell! Happy Holidays!