Aq’s FAQs 2: Soccer for Americans

6.28.09 9:46 am by Matt

Last time I wrote, I brought NBA referees answers to their most Frequently Asked Questions. Now it’s time to bring my fellow Americans up to speed on soccer in time for Sunday’s improbable FIFA Confederations Cup Final between USA and Brazil.

Q: This is booooooooooring. When are they gonna score?
A: You’re watching soccer on the wrong channel. Watch it on the Spanish channel and tell me soccer isn’t exciting.

Q: Are soccer players magical? It only takes them 30 seconds to recover from catastrophic inuries.
A: Soccer players aren’t magical. Their doctors are.

Q: Is my TV broken? There’s some weird background noise coming out of my speakers.
A:That’s the sound of music! Don’t worry, foreign sports fans are much better singers than Americans. All we have to show for ourselves is that lame tomahawk chop song and the pre-game national anthem. (PS: Can someone tell me why it’s ok that there’s fire in the stands during that first video? That seems dangerous.)

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